Once on this island

Quite by chance, I found out that the La Salle SIA College of Arts was staging our old favourite
Broadway show Once On This Island (Ahrens & Flaherty 1991) which we had seen twice in New York, and twice in Manila. Naturally, I was eager for the opportunity to introduce K and C to the actual production, as opposed to just the music. Back in 2004, when we took them to Bali, we spent the ride from Nusa Dua to Ubud, singing them all the songs and narrating what we could of the book. And of course, once we got home, we let them hear the soundtrack. So for a wonderful $10 per ticket, we took in a Saturday matinee offering quite a professional little troupe with respectable vocal talent. The cast had two Pinoys in it - one playing Ton Ton Julien and the other playing Ezuli beautiful goddess of love. There were also quite a number of Caucasians in it, as well as Malaysians - all in all a nice mix and as I said, in terms of musicality and emotionality, quite strong. The kids enjoyed it immensely, even C who had said previously he didn't care to go. Well, they were both glad they did - though we had to forego Saturday catechism. Luckily, we made it to 6pm anticipated Palm Sunday mass. Kaylee confessed she was going to go for Drama Club next year, as a result.

It's funny that Phantom of the Opera is actually playing in Esplanade, and I'm still hemming and hawing about whether this is something I really want to take them to. Hold the two musicals side by side, and I'd still go for the Island...

What do you do when...

you're really upset with a person, and there's absolutely nothing you can say or do to her/him about it because of the situation. And by the way, when I say upset, I pretty much mean angry. Good old fashioned swear word anger. Yes, I am angry. Read something recently about positive ways to manage anger. I always thought that simply letting go and catharsis was the best thing. Apparently, release actually raises your stress levels. And that it's better to simply walk away. Walk away. Except what happens if you can't walk away? What do you do then?

Dear Celeste

I miss you fairly constantly, as you know. But most especially tonight. And I know that I wasn't the only one either.

Tonight, a number of the FX girls had a Holy Week reflection session with Sister Bubbles. And in that weird, unforeseen, greater-Force-at-work-way, it was exactly the sort of thing we all needed, at this point. Sister B spoke to us about finding our songs - and the way we sing - giving praise, as prayer, connecting both ourselves and the community to Him without words. We all had to go through that exercise of finding ( and singing) the song that expresses both who we are and why we sing. Type ko, type mo rin. For some reason (and am rather embarrassed about this) - emotion got the better part of me and I could barely get through Amy Grant's Arms of Love. AndI adore that song both as prayer and as song! I don't know why but all of a sudden I was suddenly overwhelmed by all the thoughts and memories Sister B was channelling - missing my sisters - M and L (By the way M, sabi ni Sister, You are extraodinary. You are a vessel!), missing you, unexpectedly missing R of Pinoy Lessons in Life and even my old friend from oh so long ago Fr. PP. Strange how things suddenly occur to you like background music - even though I was there - fixed in the moment - thinking of faith and family and feeling that greater spiritual connection. It was an inexplicable out-of-body experience, but it was such that even I, someone who doesn't usually relish the group dynamics and sharing nature of these sorts of exercises, found it somehow easy not just to open up but also to listen. But man, I made myself say that as much as I am aware of what song is doing for worship and praise and the community, I pretty much sing because of how it makes me feel - selfish as that might be.

What would you have sung to explain why you sing and who you are? What would D have sung for that matter? Just to let you know - there was a hodgepodge of songs sung: ABBA's Thank you for the music and the Carpenter's You and Hangad's Hangad and that song from Ice Castles - Looking Through The Eyes Of Love. Sister Bubbles sang Of All The Things. Exactly the sort of exercise I dig. (Another note to K of Lazy Sunday Afternoons - who should have been there - what would have been your song choice?).

Write me when you can, Celeste. A more comprehensive email will be forthcoming in a not so public forum. Need I say I miss you.

Reminder: Go to yoga this week

Check out a new way to watch a DVD

Put on something you haven't seen in at least five years. For us, it was Saturday Night Fever. Then switch on the subtitles for Director's notes. In this case, John Badham's scintillating musings on the making of this classic movie of the 70s. Plus, who doesn't love John Travolta as Tony Manero? Not to mention Yvonne Elliman's fervent If I Can't Have You playing in the opening dance scene. Gritty and real and smart and poignant and funny and wistful all at the same time. You can't get any better than Saturday Night Fever... it's a masterpiece.

Beach time over

A prayer for discipline and strength

We are in that quiet time that is in every sense of the word, "make or break". It is the time when the temptation to slow down and give in to good old fashioned sloth at its most powerful but it is also that time that demands huge quantities of discipline. It is in a way a different kind of stress - but no less urgent, no less pressing. I am reminded of the strong and stunning A, now tearing up the corporate ladder in New York city with the grace and the speed of a wild horse. I recall her drive and her inner presence - her ability to simply push herself and yes, I do envy it. Mine are usually the short bursts of inspiration - powerful but ultimately, temporary. It is the consistent and the constant drive that not only meets the best expectations but eventually surpasses them. Enough. It is time. In order that all may be achieved, once must focus and simply and matter-of-factly... do.

Flashback to Fort Canning Park Sunday Picnic

Weekend inventory

Pizza Friday night and Happy Feet in our room. Saturday morning soccer for C and T - who drove him there. K and I have breakfast and discuss plans for the day. We all have busy work - T on the household files, me with my magazines, K with maths homework and C with Kumon. Lunch of fried fish and picadillo. I drive K to a birthday party and yak yakety yak with people I have not seen in ages. I drive K to catechism at St. Igs where C is already there in his class. I pick up T for various errands and then we rush to 6pm mass. Bring the kids home then join friends at an Indian restaurant in the Esplanade for a birthday dinner, followed by scrumptious dessert at Chocolate Factory where I succesfully avoid chocolate. Home after midnight. Sunday bright and early for waffle breakfast and at 10am, Lao Shi arrives for two hour class. Then rush to dimsum lunch and 2pm Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - during which, to my embarrassment, I fall asleep. Out for coffee and a club sandwich split four ways at Mc Cafe. Then to the bookstore, then to the supermarket, then a drive to check out possible parks in
our future area in November. Then home to dinner of pork chops, mongo soup and steamed asparagus, brown rice and fruit and ice cream for dessert. Then one episode of
The Cosby Show.

Now a deep breath and another week of work will be upon us. Onward ho.

Esquire US April 2007 Swank Cover

At page 156, I hit on the perfect male read - or at least, what I think is the perfect male read - 6 pages by a rather talented writer named Kendall Hamlilton who as an experiment to see whether alcohol is really the great creative lubricant, agrees to accept a series of 6 essay topics from his editor - and to do quick takes on each for no more than an hour and a half, at increasing stages of inebriation - Johnny Walker to be precise.


This was smart, funny magazine writing that was also satisfyingly inventive while at the same time, offering even more for its worth than what it actually set out to achieve. Topic 1 is "Poor Jennifer Aniston? I don't think so. She's the problem. Agree or disagree." Topic 2 is "Starbucks is a metaphor for everting that is wrong with/great about America", Topic 3 is "Morning is the best time to have sex." Topic 4 is Boulder Colorado is the best place to live in America" (This is where Hamilton resides). Topic 5 is "USA today is the best newspaper in the world" and lastly a redux of the Jennifer Aniston topic - at Hamilton's most drunk. The feature also includes the author's post-mortem sober (not hung over) critique notes.

Good fun. And smart. And funny. The Jennifer Aniston topic strikes a personal bell with me as I've blogged about the inappropriateness of her going from Pitt to Vaughn - crazy crazy crazy.
Is this the best kind of magazine reading for men of today? Or is it just me?

Awww no more Friday Night Dates with the Wongs

The difference between then and now

Then - for about ten years, on and off - I lived and breathed women's magazines. My time was ruled by the fashion seasons and I was keenly attuned to the various trends in health and beauty and lifestyle first for women aged 21-35 then for women 25-40. And it was a pleasant life - were mini-skirts in or out? What was going to be the silhouette of spring? The search for a smarter, more accessible method of getting ahead, staying ahead, improving one's, revitalising one's health, losing five, ten, fifteen pounds and the various ways you can do it, powering one's love-aka-sex life, streamlining one's relationships, getting the man, getting over the man, accepting that a man is all well and good, but at the end of the day, your life is about you.

Now I am attempting to plumb alien depths, having learned that simply wading and treading the shallows of testosterone just isn't doing it. You have to go all the way to find those pearls, those gold nuggets, you have to sift through masculine sands and manly mud. So I now flip through pages in magazines that I had previously read only for fiction - GQ, Men's Health, Arena UK, Playboy with frequent forays into non-specific but seemingly male oriented titles - Wallpaper, The Robb Report, and to a certain extent Vanity Fair and now Monocle - which I am enjoying. I now read Vogue only for pleasure. Whereas a Saturday morning will find me diligently reading - not just flipping, mind you - the opinion pages of Esquire. What constitutes the desires of a man, what is his reason for being at this point in human history.

It is all extremely fascinating and occasionally even satisfying and pleasurable, having to try to empathise the mind, soul and body of a man. And yet, and yet, and yet - I am faced with a conclusion that even as deeply as I plunge myself into all of this alpha or non alpha maleness and as much as I credit my ability to empathise... it would all still be an approximation, wouldn't it, now? I mean, at the end of the day - yes, I am wise (but it's wisdom borne of pain. Yes I pay the price, but look how much I gain. If I have to I can do anything. I am strong. I am invincible - but ultimately, I am woman.

Back to the good stuff

Imagine one full 50 minute period where every single part of your body is energised - where your muscles are always flexed, tight at the core. Well, that was what my first yoga core class was like. It was completely a strength session and very addictive. So made it to yoga twice this week. What's more I actually got to see Dr. Theresa for my first accupuncture session in a month, since before Hanoi. She found me extremely blocked right down the meridien. Even the cups actually hurt - and a couple of the needles felt like electricity.

The result? Looking forward to a great night's sleep...

Obsessions, regrets and conversations with the young

I have always had that tendency to allow myself to be completely overtaken by work, even though I am aware of it and try not to give in to it, I find myself succumbing once again. It is not always a good thing though, especially when the work is only a small part of what I really want to do with my life. Is it procrastination? A delaying tactic? A way of fooling myself into believing that what I am doing right now is somehow worthwhile? Should I not just take it easy and cruise and try to fit in the thing that I feel I must do?

Interesting conversation with M at the office today. A young man of 23 at the very beginning of his life, he asked me, a practically 40-year-old woman, what I would do - given the option of starting fresh with a whole new set of years ahead of me. Say if I was 23 again, what would I do. And I said I would be a doctor. A gynecologist - but not just any gynecologist - one with a specialty in internal medicine. He was rather shocked. You wouldn't be writing. I argued - the mistake I made was that I thought that to write, I had to be a writer as an occupation. Not true at all. You can have an occupation, separate from the ability to write. I could have been a banker or a financial analyst or a doctor - and still write.

Coincidentally, yesterday, I spoke to B, also at the office. He is 27 - and already understands what it took me years to realise. So he's going for that finance career - and he will write on the side. Because he can. Then at lunch with M today, age 23 as well, and for the nth time, we talked about what she wanted to be doing. With M however, I sense that she is more sure about what she doesn't want to be doing than what she wants to be doing. Which is so much tougher.

As uncertain as they are, these young people are in enviable positions, I think. So much still ahead of them. So many things that they can yet achieve. Elphaba's refrain runs in my head - "Unlimited. My future is...unlimited."

Back to the practice

Finally, finally. It's been at the back of my mind for so long and the last time I did any was in early February. But today, circumstances fell into place and I was able to make it to the 5:30pm Hot Hour. While I definitely noted rustiness in certain poses, it really did feel wonderful - especially the bow and the tree and triangle. It was nice, too, that Catherine added in a few sun salutations for filip. Hopefully, this kicks off the habit once more.

Back from Bali

A nice little family reunion in Bali - just what the doctor ordered. For two whole days, it was nothing but sun, sand and sea - and save for the sunburn, we are all the better for it. And now we're back, ready to face a new school term, a new week, a new day. On the flight home, I couldn't decide what to watch, and finally settled on Stranger than Fiction. A small film, but one that had real moments of invention, not to mention, real engaging sequences - Dustin Hoffman as the lit crit and theory professor was hugely amusing. The exchange referring to "Little did he know" is really funny for writers, I thought. Tomorrow....life begins again.

Late nights and early mornings

That's what the last few days have been like, due to work. Fortunately, still able to keep all the other balls in my life up in the air. So C forgot his holiday homework - I actually managed to retrieve the worksheets. K had a number of medical appointments, and we managed to get it all done. Today was a colossal coordination act that required the work of all three of the adults in my household, myself, T and Melin. What with K going over to her friend's house in the East Coast, C having an eye appointment, hanging out at the office AND having a playdate visit as well. All that and managed to send out most of the pages this evening. The one thing I forgot? A piece I had to do for swingamahds - which I churned out just now while watching the rerun of American Idol. In between, I listed the Diana Ross songs that I would choose if I were in the contest. Still thinking that it's a toss-up between the slow ballad version (not the disco version) of On the Radio or Touch Me in the Morning. Wow ah. Kapal. As if. But still.

[Related aside to Lazy Sunday Afternoons...ikaw, Kiks, anong Diana Ross ang kakantahin mo, if ever?]

And tomorrow? Gotta get some cardio in to make up for the stress chips and pizza I had at work. Gotta show up at the office and be useful at least till noon. And gotta pack for the family trip to B. Am reminded of Desree's Gotta Be song. Another good one, no?

Listen as the day unfolds...challenge what the future holds...gotta keep your head up to the sky. Lovers they may cause you tears, go ahead release your fears. Stand up and be counted, don't be ashamed to try...

Weekend flicks

Music & Lyrics makes no pretenses about being anything more than what it is. Grant and Barrymore are so very charming, persuading you to overlook the thin conflict and the sloppy cropping - you hoo, we can see the microphone! The best part and what makes it absolutely worth watching? The parody of the 80's MTV with Hugh Grant coiffed all Duran Duran -- guarantees to keep anyone who came of age the 80s in stitches. Pop goes my heart! And then there was 300, a lush portrayal of the final battles of Sparta. Scenes were virtual storyboards and the battles were like ballet - admirably choreographed. Not to mention, it was great to see 300 alpha males in scanty clothing - cut to the six pack. Greek gods...very definitely.

Wierdness

Work is fun, but it's also wierd. In fact, I have to say, it's the wierdest place Ive ever worked. Even the things that are supposed to be sacred, aren't, well, not really. And the particular people who are supposed to do particular things, are doing completely different things. And time moves so excruciatingly slowly. I'm not used to it. It's wierd. Just plain wierd.

Old dog, new tricks

We have a new family activity - a weekly Mandarin class! Finally found a lovely laoshi to teach us conversational Mandarin, one who was willing to take all four of us in - aged 41, 39, 9, and 8 respectively! And it was no easy task to find someone willing to put herself/himself through that challenge. C especially is quite a handful being multiply sensitive to competition, easily distracted, grumpy and inclined to test authority. K is on the nerdy side, conscientious but stressed out when the class is too fast for her liking. The presence of the kids reins in T and my tendencies to compete with each other in classroom situations. The kids have better pronunciation than the adults and sometimes, better memories...but we're all kept on our proverbial toes.In short, we're a handful...hahahah. But it's a nice, positive project and one that will hopefully have us progressing nicely toward our chosen third language. The other amusing thing? We both got Chinese names. I am Ming Ling and T is Na Tan. On that note, wa an wo de pengyou!

Dearest Lola

I know it's early, but I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are. Are you baking up a storm. My mouth waters for puto and sans rival and chocolate cake. Are you tending to your garden? Are you and Lolo going for those early morning (4am walks) you used to try to get me to go on? If you visited me here, we would take you to the orchid gardens, and we would get up early and walk to the track, and we would go to the river and the reservoir and Chinatown. Or maybe we would buy plants so the planters at home can finally be filled properly and with the right stuff.

So many things going on, but it's not strange, is it, that I think of you frequently and wonder what you would think about all of it, and of K and C and T and the way things are here in Singapore. And what you might be able to arrange for L and M in terms of, well, you know what you want, right? I've always believed in your power and know that's truer now than it ever was.

Need I say I miss you so much? Give Lolo a kiss for me and tell him I miss him too - could have used his Lolo's medicine ointment on K's and C's bites, bumps and bruises. Advanced Happy Birthday dearest Lola...

Surprises in Singapore

Now I'm sure this happens in other countries as well. But it's nice to know that it happens in Singapore. Sometimes, you find not just one but a number of unexpected, richly insightful experiences taking place, clustered together like a bright, beautiful bouquet of wild spring flowers gathered from a most ordinary meadow.

Yesterday, a rather comely, intelligent young man from Nepal told me his life story and the fascinating twists and turns of how he came to be at the very spot he occupies today, sitting across a table as he handed me sheafs of paper to insert into some 350 magazines. Later that same day, an Indonesian manicurist who also cuts hair gave me his take on on the benefits of colonial history with lines like, "You are lucky to be colonised by the Americans or by the British. They do good for the people. Not like the Europeans." And in the early evening, an elderly cabbie lectured me on taking time to think about what I want, and think about what I need. "You must focus, " he said, "on yourself, at least some of the time." At the end of the day, I discovered many more good things about the people I work both with and for as we partied late into the night with champagne and fruitinis, as well as found out that I have come to a point that I can talk to anyone, anywhere about anything - a pretty useful thing in life.

It was a good day and for each and every one that happens, I am always, always grateful.

Best Picture for 2007

Am glad The Departed won. Am glad Martin Scorcese won. I saw this movie for the second time on the plane from Hanoi to Singapore, and it was as riveting as it was when I first saw it. No slow moments. No pacing problems. A great story with plot points that are both unexpected and sensible. What's more, it had some really textured work in terms of performances from practically everyone in the film. It is filmaking at its very finest. Am glad it won the Oscar.

Movie Weekend

There was something very poignant about Dream Girls - at least for me - maybe it was all the motown 70's rhythms and strong female vocals that got me. But even just eight minutes into the film, it did occur to me that Jennifer Hudson deserves every award and accolade she gets for her creation of Effie White. This is an annoying character, but with whatever she has, Hudson manages to locate the sympathy the audience requires to make a connection with her. And then there's her big, brassy voice which is so much bigger tan who she is. And then it is pure joy to hear Eddie Murphy and Beyonce and Jamie Foxx sing. Beside's it's a musicale. Who doesn't love a musical?

Letters from Iwo Jima is a good movie overall, mostly because of performances by Ken Watanabe and the newcomer who created Saigo, the Japanese baker-turned-very-reluctant soldier. Not without flaws, but really, hardly anything is these days. Some of the subplots were a bit old in a you-could-see-it-coming kind of way. I also thought there were pacing problems. Still, Clint Eastwood knows how to tell a story, and we are able to rest confidently in his able hands. When you think about his work - The Unforgiven, The Bridges of Madison County and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil - there is no disputing he is truly a master, for this movie and hopefully more...

Found: Panning Rice in Vietnam

Once upon a time, some sixteen years ago, in the flattest flatlands of Ohio and a small university town of just two main streets, I met A Panning and M Rice. A was in first year fiction to my second year, and M was in the American Culture Studies programme. And apart from being graduate students and writers, we also shared the Philippines in common as they had each been Peace Corp Volounteers there. In fact, that's where they had met.

But in 1991, we all lived in flats in a town called Bowling Green. I was in a studio on N. Main Street, atop a bar called SamB's. Mine was basically just one room with a stove oven, kitchen sink, counter and fridge running alongside one wall, and three small windows along the other side. The heat from the radiator was sometimes excessive, so I always had one window cracked open about six inches, even through the winter months. When it got warmer in the spring, I would leave it gaping wide open, and would frequently wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of some undergrad puking ceremoniously in the parking lot, after having had too much to drink.

A and M's apartment was infinitely more pleasant, the first level of a pretty house on a treelined street, S. Grove I think it might have been. But it was no less strange. They had a large sprawling living room and a separate kitchen. Their bedroom was a little nook off of the kitchen with swinging doors offering very little privacy and just enough space for a queen sized bed. But they were as happy as campers there, and cooked up batches of stew or vegetable soup in their crockpot, often inviting me over to share their supper. We spent a lot of time together, writing, talking about writing, eating, drinking, gossiping, watching cruddy old videos that I rented from a cruddy old video store on South Main. And being intrepid entertainers, they threw many a wild party in that large sprawling living room area. It was a good year.

And then I finished the program, left Ohio, got married, as did they. And but for a few emails back and forth over the years, we had just about lost touch - though I knew they were both faculty at SUNY in Brockport. And I think they were aware we were.

But for some reason, out of the blue, two nights ago, I decided to write Anne again and say, what's up. Turns out this semester, the Panning Rice family is in Asia. More specifically, in Vietnam, three hours away from Saigon to be exact and with their two little kids in tow. The emails came lie rapid-fire and Bim Bam Boom - we're seeing them in April when they come visit.

It is wonderful how, sometimes, the world can be small and cosy for so long as you let it.

Post Ash Wednesday mass reflection and a dead Jesuit

Five minutes after Ash Wednesday mass at 7:30pm, I found myself standing in line to pay my respects to a dead Jesuit named Fr. Desmond Reid. I don't think I have ever met Fr. Reid, and certainly did not recognise him from his picture. But M, who was responsible for getting me in the queue, said he was such a wonderful person, a friendly man, who had led many of her bible discussion groups. So I said, okay, I would accompany her to the wake. It was also, conveniently, on the way to where I had parked the car, so there was that, too - a heavy flow of traffic that would have prevented me from leaving anyway. I was quite taken aback by the crowd of people who had gathered in the hall that for these past three nights had become a funeral gathering. It seemed there were more than two hundred people there, and more outside. Amazing and wonderful and to my mind, rather unexpected.

As we were shuffled, waiting for our turn, I found myself telling M, who I feel very friendly and homey toward (for the simple reason that she is/was a good friend of my cousin's in college), how it was only in Singapore that I started going to mass regularly again. That actually, once I stopped living in my parents' house, mass was only an every now and then thing. As and when. Now and then. And that I had no other reason for my return other than an inexplicable, indescribable need for it...you might even say a hunger. Also, I was worried for my kids, for my family. If I was not going to give faith to them, who was? They would be left bereft, without a choice simply because they did not know. I received it. I chose to leave it a little, and I chose to return. I pictured my kids as adults and realised that if they never had it, they might possibly never want it to return to.

M, who I see at mass sometimes with her children, rarely with her husband, seemed to understand what I meant. That night, for Ash Wednesday mass, we were both alone, and there was no need to speculate on the reasons.

As we shuffled closer to the open casket, I caught a glimpse of Fr. Reid. All of a sudden I remembered a story T had told me of a time when he was maybe in the third grade at the Ateneo. Some Jesuit, then as now, had also passed away. And all the students in all the classes were made to line up and pay their respects in pairs. T was paired with a school mate and as they looked down at the face of the dead Jesuit, T felt a mad uncontrollable impulse to laugh. Something about the man's face. Something off in a funny way. His eyes met with those of his friend's, and almost as if by understanding, they shared that wild desire for laughter. Biting their lips, they ran like mad, pell mell to the outside of the chapel. Only when they got there did they burst into spasms of gut-wrenching mirth.

Recalling this, I squelched a similar impulse of my own to laugh. I closed my eyes, bit my lower lip and said a silent prayer. For Fr. Ried and for my family and for our faith.

Of course.

A scene from the birthday picnic

If you blur your eyes

...Hanoi is an amalgam of many European cities. Tree lined boulevards and cafes recall Paris. The houses along green canals evoke Amsterdam. And if you look out onto the West Lake, and blur your eyes, it's like your looking at the Arno in Florence. And then parts of the teeming city are a little like old Manila and a little like Bangkok.

A little piece of Europe in Southeast Asia

Funny

They took it off its frame and rolled it up. They almost forgot about the certificate of authentification. When they brought out the file, there was no signature.

"No problem. We'll take it to his house for his signature...and bring it to your hotel room by nine o'clock tonight," Ms. Lan assured me. Alright, I agreed absently, distracted by the rather novel idea that Dao Hai Phong himself lived in a house in Hanoi, that there he worked, and gallery owners came to take his signature. How strange. Dao Hai Phong himself, working in his studio.
It was mind boggling.

"What if he's not home?" T asked.
"It's the lunar new year. He's probably at home with friends and family. Maybe he's entertaining. Maybe he's working."

But at nine o'clock sharp, the certificate came, signed, sealed and delivered.

Philosophising the search of Dao Hai Phong

It was much more difficult than we thought. Due to the limits of wall space as well as the limits of our pocketbook, we had to confine ourselves to certain parameters. But even then, even within those, it was not a cut and dry decision that was easy to make from the very outset.

For one, almost every painting I saw, I felt I would love and be proud to own. Amazingly, each and every one. It was further complicated by Phong's titles - all of which are pleasingly poetic, pleasantly provocative. "Quiet Evening" was a fishing boat, docked into a house on stilts, lit from within. "Twilight Moment" was a small village nestled behind a grove of three trees on a hill, the houses reflected in the still waters of the lake. "Countryside" was a row of houses on red. In his recent work, the artist seemed to be responding to more modern inspirations, the walls of his houses had graffiti - not a bad, there was something there.

"But what do you want most? What do you want to look at every day?" All of them, I thought greedily. I'd like to look at all of them. But T was right, I knew. We are not the kind of people to buy any number of work by one artist. You buy one. The one you like best; the one that likes you. And then you stop.

Being perhaps more existentialist than we needed to be, we asked ourselves, what makes a Dao Hai Phong truly Dao Hai Phong, without which it would not be a Dao Hai Phong? We locked upon his trees like clouds of cotton candy, we liked hills and churches. True, his fishing villages were charming - the house on stilts with the light emanating from it, bouncing of the surface of the water - a rhapsody in deep blue that is at once the sky, at once the sea. Beautiful, without a doubt, but there was just something different about those billowing trees.

"It's not like the fishing scenes are not powerful, they are. But we're not fishing people as much as we are tree people," I said, testing out my theory out loud to see if it held any water. T agreed. Fishing and the sea are great. But we are more about hills and trees and houses.

Finally there was the issue of colour. To make the choice between Phong's blueness or redness or yellowness was tough, as each had its merits. K hazarded her rather mature opinion that red was too hot, and that she preferred the serene of deep blue or the calm of the yellow. But I pointed out to her that because of the way Phong paints, even the red, as bright as it is, is calm and quiet and placid...some kind of magic that he is able to achieve, a gentle message from the eye to the brush, spelt out in the canvas.

In a red one called "New town" there is a cluster of houses on a hill and two trees. There is also the unexpected gift of falling yellow leaves, like the season of autumn.

"New town" had real hope and it grew in all of us. On our final day in Hanoi, we decided to
take it home.

Visions of Vietnam

Apparently, the fairly advanced development of the art scene in Vietnam took place largely because of the French occupation and such institutions as Ecole des Beaux Arts d'Indochine, set up by the colonialists in 1925, the harbinger for schools like the Hanoi Institute of Fine Art. Techniques like painting and sculpture were taught intensively, and later, indigenous art forms were added to the curriculum like lacquer painting and silk painting.

As it happens with all colonial histories in which one more powerful country actively takes over one weaker one, there were a few good things that happened amid the bad. And for Vietnam, visual art is one of them. Walking through the galleries in Hanoi alone, one finds many artistic voices worthy of attention - each with a personal vision, a particular discipline, an eye for meaning that is unique, powerful, and beautiful.

Years before we visited the city, I had spent many hours journeying through the websites of various galleries, visiting and revisting my favourites - the pure simplicity of Nguyen Thanh Binh (b. 1954), his serene, creamy spaces, elegantly singular compositions and the colour white which he expertly makes use of as a colour, as opposed to a non-colour. The subtle, single-hued panoramas of Hong Viet Dung (b. 1962)and the joyful street scenes of Le Than Son (b. 1962)

And then there are the poignant, surreal storybook visions of Dao Hai Phong (b. 1965) that never fail to elicit my wordless satisfaction. Most of his paintings enchant, because they deftly achieve the rare but keen pleasure located in the intersection where brightness and quietness meet and sometimes fall in love.

See http://www.thavibu.com/vietnam/dao_hai_phong

So when at last we paid the city of Hanoi a visit, it was my heartfelt wish, my intent to find a Dao Hai Phong that called my name. I wanted to find one and take it home that I might escape into it everyday, if I so chose. Not merely to look at it and admire it as a possession. But to actually engage in it, enter it, be one with it.

In the end, this, is what art is ultimately about.

A house in Hanoi

High Tea at the Metropole

As we wait for our vittels, K studies the Apricot Gallery brochure intently while C checks out what we should do the tomorrow...

Salin 'ko PO ng Nakapagtataka (Apo Hiking Society)

Thanks to my sis, I now have the tribute to the Apo Hiking Society album. Which means I have Nakapagtataka on loop. My colleagues asked what does it mean. So I tried my hand at translation. Sing it in English to the same heart-haunting strain...

A never ending whirl
Keeps swirling through my mind
The moment we agreed to go our separate ways
Decided we can't get along the way it stays
It's hard to figure out, what's it all about...

How strange it comes to this
The way it's all turned out
The countless times that we keep saying our goodbyes
And each and every time, regret is in our eyes
It's hard to figure out, what's it all about?

REF
Aren't you tired of all the pain
All the anger and disdain
So many times we fight it out
The ugly words, the hurt, the doubt

And when it's done, the tears, they fall
Our hearts are breaking after all
There's nothing left to do or say
And only sadness to convey

If we were truly meant to be lovers
Why can't we get along with each other
woooh wooh

The rain keeps pelting down
And where have you gone, sunshine?
What happened to the love that once was ours to share?
There's only emptiness and heartache and despair
It's hard to figure out, why do we even care...

(Back to refrain)

Hanoi holiday

Such a pretty city. Little houses in pastel colours. Stately streets lined with trees. Quiet green lakes and canals. French colonial buildings. And don't you just love all that zany traffic -- the complete craziness of cars, bicycles, motorbikes, cyclos - and by some miracle, everyone avoids a collision. It's the beauty of lunacy.

Balentymes

Remember, while it's just a day like any other day, you can make it special for those you love and consequently in turn, for yourself. Which is not a bad way to treat any other day, actually.

A girl after my own heart

" For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?"
-Jane Austen

Monday meetings

I ran off to have a quality Japanese food and much needed quality time with M today. That was meeting one. Then in the afternoon meeting 2 with Dapper Y. I call him Yoda in my mind - He took me aside to make sure I was back on track.

He is Yoda for his wisdom and for the great force that he emanates. To my mind, he is the best of the Dappers. What's more, we have affinity, which is a good thing I think, and should serve me well in the long run.

In the meantime, closing goes on. Will there be a CNY break? Could be. Who knows.

Something's coming. I don't know what it is but it is gonna be great...
Or that could be wishful thinking. No workout today. But tomorrow, I hit the track again - literally.

Excesses

It's my own fault. Nobody asked me to stay out till 3am. Nobody insisted that I sing ABBA or Joan Jett or Billy Joel or Madonna or The Corrs. I did it to myself. So if today seemed like a longer day than it actually was, I have no one to blame but myself. I have to say though, it was great fun while it lasted.

But today was fun, too. We had perfect weather to manage 8 eight year olds rambling through an old historic park on a green hill with wide expanses of grass and gigantic trees. There was a scavenger hunt and a game of tag and lots and lots of water gun fights. Our menu of vampire blood muffins (pizza pan de sal), mud sludge pies (chocolate cup cakes) and lady witch fingers (cheese sticks) went over well, along with the goober alien flow (apple and grape juice packs).

The wind blew and the little boys played, dragging the adults in. Even K who was on duty as assistant game master was seen madly tearing after a boy who had open fired on her. She caught him, too. At one point, I was being chased by two litte twer-- er little boys...as they shot me with what can only be described as a water bazooka. Finally, I changed my tack and chased them, grabbed their weapons from their hands and blasted them full on on the face till they yelled in surrender. The birthday boy was properly pleased, and his sister got her reward for doing such good work - developing a pop quiz as one of the major games.

Now, as I contemplate the crafting of a relationship piece when all I really want to do is crawl into bed, I think, this day went pretty well, actually. If only work happens to suffer, that should be a small and unimportant thing in the long run that is life.

What are eight year old boys made of

Sunday picnics and water guns and eight other eight year old boys in the park, whooping and zipping around and being there own paradoxical selves. We've got the cup cakes, the mini pizzas, the cheese sticks and the juice packs. Not to mention ten well-packed goodie bags. Please don't let it rain.

Apocalypto

Last Friday Babel, this Friday Apocalypto.

Which is not to say that these films are not well-done nor well worth watching. They are. But I wouldn't say they were feel-good movies or even movies that are pleasurably gripping. In fact, they are quite definitely unpleasurably gripping.

For me, the best sub-plot in Babel was the Tokyo sub-plot. It was, at least, the most interesting and the most unexpected, in contrast to the others where you could see the anguish coming a mile away. The couple's Moroccan vacation nightmare was saved from sentimentality by Cate Blanchette who is just a brilliant creator. She doesn't have much to do, but she's so invested. Even when acting opposite Brad who is at his most wooden, it seems, and very diametrically uninvested. In the Mexican sub-plot, you can't take your eyes off Gael Garcia Bernal. But then, really, why would you want to? And weren't those children impossibly blonde - as in ghostly blonde?

In Apocalypo, the most joyful moment is "Almost's" transformation into the Jaguar's Paw - and that phenomenal leap into the falls. That and the water birth. If you're going to deliver a child sans doctor, hospital and epidural...it is best to push him out while submerged in a caveful of rain water.

All this action, all this cinematic tension.

And yet all I seem to be in the mood for are small domestic dramas. I would love to watch Little Children. T will say to me, "What, another infidelity movie?" Maybe I'll book tickets for Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day to me.

The Greatest Salesman In The World

I should read that book. It may help on the job.

What's a garden without Weeds?

Just finished the second season. It's dark, depraved, deadly funny and completely addictive. But not for everyone, though. The show is by turns heinous yet oddly heartbreaking due to Mary Louise Parker and Elizabeth Perkins. Quite definitely not for everyone. Just those who are tickled by what's sometimes seen as downright perverted; these people will take a fancy to it. Granted, only a few people's names come to mind from my life, but they exist. Oh boy, do they exist.

And you just gotta love the theme song. Listen to it here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXLWa1UZIS

If you can't, here are the lyrics - lovely, lovely satire.

Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes made of ticky-tacky, Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes, all the same. There's a green one and a pink one And a blue one and a yellow one And they're all made out of ticky-tacky And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses All went to the university, Where they were put in boxes, And they came out all the same. And there's doctors and there's lawyers And business executives, And they're all made out of ticky-tacky And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf-course, And drink their Martinis dry, And they all have pretty children, And the children go to school. And the children go to summer camp And then to the university, Where they are put in boxes And they come out all the same.

And the boys go into business, And marry, and raise a family, In boxes made of ticky-tacky, And they all look just the same. There's a green one and a pink one And a blue one and a yellow one And they're all made out of ticky-tacky And they all look just the same.

Why...why...it almost sounds like...dare I say it?

Nah.

Accu-amazing

Pardon my going on about accupuncture. But it really is amazing. My accupuncturist, a Chinese physician, holds clinic on the second floor of an HDB commercial complex in Chinatown and refuses to give appointments. "Come when you come," she shrugs.

She is a card, a real character - and I warmed to her in the same way I find myself inclining toward quirky women. She takes cash only. She and her receptionist have a very giggly schoolgirlish relationship. And although her English is on the elemental, primordial side - she has that winning instinct of making herself very easily understood.

Yesterday, perhaps as a result of a difficult week, I was inspired to make time to escape to her for an hour. I got there at 11:30, blissful that the clinic was empty and she could see me right away. I went through the restorative cupping along my entire spine and the exhilerating needling and she gave me unlabelled pills to take - so that I could get "an - bocked".

She also showed me (with the help of a rubber and plastic model) that the human ear is
exactly like a human fetus. How great is that? Last night, once again, I slept like a baby and rose this morning with verve and energy - completely ready for doctor's appointments, a hundred errands, writing homework and choir practice.

Am so going again next week.

Who are the Van der Luydens

Edith Wharton's Age of Innocence is a novel about New York society as most of her novels were. To put it bluntly, who is in, who is out, who are the right people and who are the wrong people. And "right" seems to have no other discernable meaning beyond that of shared family and or socio-economic background - not necessarily shared interests, world views or humour.

The explores what happens when someone wants to leave the "right" people, deciding that he will no longer adhere to the usual conventions of who is right and who is wrong, but simply be with the person he wants to be with - in fact be himself, the person he wants to be. Of course, he is thwarted in the end. The book strikes a real chord with me every time I read it, because of its parallels with Pinoy society - and perhaps most especially, Pinoy society outside of the Philippines.

And while the whole Ellen Olenska-Newland Archer-May Wheeland triangle is the central plot, certain details and sub-plots have taken permanent residence in the way I understand social patterns today. The Van der Luydens, in Wharton's world, are an older couple whose approbation and estimation is valued, whose opinion is sought even though they studiously make their presence quite scarce as Ellen Olenska intimates, in part perhaps to ensure
that value.

It can be a tremendously amusing past time to characterise real people according to the roles of characters in a Wharton novel. Who is the Ellen Olenska who finally and irrevocably turns her back on the conventional norms, preferring instead to live life according to her own choosing despite the loss of a love affair? Who is the Newland Archer who struggles to with his desires for a different kind of life but is too trapped in the rules and norms of the society he himself has helped create. Who is the May Wheeland who has no other thought nor interest beyond what she has been taught to value and find worthy of attention. And who, who are the Van der Luydens?

One of the many wonderful things about great literature is the truth that it lends to what would otherwise be mundane, fairly ordinary life.

My career counsellor

From the mouths of babes

It is a wonderful thing to be able to talk to your children and listen to their opinions. After a difficult day at work that had me figuratively clutching my emotional tether with all fours, I came home last night beleaguered and bewildered, close to tears. I asked my son C for a hug, and he genially gave me one and I let myself whimper in his chubby arms.

With great presence of mind, the seven-year-old asked, "What's wrong?"
"Bad day at work," I replied.
"Tell me," he said.
"A lot of things not going to plan. Am having to face things I didn't think I would have to face."
"So what do you feel like doing about it?" he asks in utter seriousness.
"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I think you should wait and see. You don't know how it's going to be yet. Wait and see how it goes. Then see how you feel," he said, with all of Solomon's wisdom.

Today, when I reached home, he greeted me with, "How was it today? Did you follow my advice?"

I hugged him him and thanked him and told him I did.

Binge

Bad day. Tomorrow has to be different.

Theory

Consistently good sex is rooted in a relationship that contains a measure of conflict and contradiction, something with crests and troughs as opposed to one that is placid and smooth-sailing and always genial. It is to be found between two people who drive each other crazy, and not always in a good way. It thrives when two people have differences of opinion as well as just plain differences. And one of life's greatest ironies is that a relationship that is 100% pure mutual admiration, respect and caring seems to make for sex that's kind of boring.

Of course, that's just a theory.

What's happening to me?

Started the 3rd season of Grey's Anatomy and I'm finding myself irritated at the characters - practically all of them. The only character I find myself liking at the moment is Miranda Bailey. She and Addison Montgomery - the philandering wife of McDreamy who tries her best to work at her marriage. Everyone else just pissed me off, and none more so than Meredith Grey.

Is this a sign of ageing that I no longer have the patience for simpering twenty-somethings and their whiny little problems? What's that about.

Have decided to finish this series before going on to Weeds, then to Studio 60. House I will save for last. Resolutions for tomorrow: the 4k run, the healthy lunch and a complete concept for the story I promised to M and J.

Not a manic monday

Thanks to diligent weekend work, I managed to deliver on all my work commitments today. As such, I felt perfectly within my rights to go off for a lunchtime yoga session - another power hour class. Afterwards, I had a lovely salad with grilled chicken from Doc Greens. Nice fresh greens, yummy dressing and garnish of walnuts and cranberries. Nice place that - the kind of place which makes you feel like you can eat there everyday. Got home early and was even able to fit in a 40 minute ralk to the track. Were every day like today...

The Power Of Yoga

Flashback to Friday
Finally made it back to the yoga studio after two months. Wanted to do a Hot Class...but work circumstances conspired to place me into the Power 1 class that took place 45 minutes later.
And it was exactly what the doctor ordered. Pure power. Pure exhileration.

New friends

Here's what is wonderful about life. Even at a time when you think you are past a certain kind of experience, you get taken completely by surprise. And you discover something. Or something lets you know in no uncertain terms that you are wrong. There are things that can still happen to you. Whether it's making a mistake or picking a fight or outgrowing a friend.

Or making a new one. So to A who I met at a work event and shared a taxi with and coincidentally to A at church - thank you for showing me, I still know how to make friends. And choose good ones.

So much to watch, so much to do, so little time

I've got Weeds 1 and 2. I've got Studio 60. I've got House 3 or part of it, anyway. And I've also got Grey's Anatomy 3 or at least some of it.

BUT

I've got a book review and a column to write both due on Monday. Not to mention all the rest of the family stuff that happens on the weekend....

So how

It's scary when it happens. When finally, finally, the story that you thought through in your head has finally been captured, trapped on the page...and it though it looks good especially in stretches, there's something missing but you can't quite put your finger in it. And there's no point in doing anything else except move on. Write another one.

Accupuncture Adventure

After hearing so many positive stories from friends and family about the wonders of accupuncture, I decided that the first chance I got, I would try it out. So went to Tanjong Pagar Plaza in Chinatown, a little mall-ette attached to an HDB complex. On the second floor, just above the bank, I met Dr. Theresa - a Chinese physician and accupuncturist. In a quick conversation during which she felt my pulse, she basically made some guesses about my body and my eating habits. She told me how often I would get hungry, the poor quality of my sleep, and how I was frequently thirsty. All of it true - just from feeling my pulse? It was hard to fathom, though of course, she eyeballed me quite a bit as well. The bottomline: I have plenty of heat and wind in my body - so the toxins including fat just hang out...like a lot of murk in still waters. Then she had me lie down on my tummy while she massaged me rather vigorously in the neck and in the back.

"Ow ow ow." I said.

"Does this hurt? Does this hurt?" she asked squeezing harder.

"Yes, it hurts!" I retorted my face down in a paper towel.

"Ah ah..." she said knowingly.

She then proceeded to skin me with cups and then placed them all over my back. Then she pierced me with needles at various points. Call me a masochist...I rather enjoyed the experience and the localised sites of pain. She then left me for a bit and I fell into the deepest nap I'd ever experienced. I only awoke when I realised she was giving me instructions about various herbs and tablets I should take. I didn't pay much attention. So much better to just think it's all magic and hocus-pocus...so much more pleasurable to have the entire process shrouded in mystery.

I yelped each time she unpopped the cups - it was a new and not disagreeable. She then had me turn on my back so she could needle me at certain points in my tummy. The sensations at each needle-prick were rather strange - like little balloons of fluid being burst. I asked her about it, but only got the answer, "Aah, ah." Like this was all the way it was supposed to be. Why even bother asking, I thought to myself.

At the end of it, she gives me various pills to drink and a bottle of a horrific brown concoction - I no longer bothered to ask what it was. And that was it. That night, when K came in for her nightly wee, I did not even hear her. Last night, I slept straight through like a nine month old baby - a powerful, heavy sleep. I see her again next week...

Star lesson

"I realized that's what you have to do: You just say a sentence and hope the next one comes."
- Hugh Grant as quoted in February Vogue, on writing his book

Super Trouper

Despite her fever, K was a happy little girl today as only a nine year old can be happy on her birthday. All sweetness and hugs..."I don't mean to be rude, but may I open my presents?" No longer did she care about her party, once she found out that we could move it to next week. At breakfast, she gamely posed for her bday photos - surrounded by her gifts. And when she read the card her Dad and I had written out especially, she was visibly touched - "Thank you Mommy! Thank you Daddy!" she exclaimed in her little girl laughter-laced peal. Utterly utterly sweet. She set about preparing to see the doctor, all sensible and business-like. And during the day, she claimed, "I can't really lie down and rest..." and set about fixing her school bag (even fixing C's school bag), painting her craft sample (the one she had planned for her and her schoolmates to do), assembled her new dollhouse, played with it, and gamely did all her Kumon worksheets. In other words, she was a terrific trouper. The only time she started fading was when night fell - and she hadn't much of an appetite for her spaghettti bolognaise and pizza dinner. But again, she smiled and blew out the candle on her birthday cupcake (she decided she would save making a bday cake for when her friends were coming). We ended the day with six chapters of Dr. Dolittle. When I got to a word - obstreperous - I commented that I didn't know the meaning of the word, K piped up, "It sounds like angry to me..." Just marvelous - that's what she is. I am brimming with joy and pride that I am her mother.

The Dappers

After some 10 years working in women's magazines, I have entered the wild, weird, world of men's magazines. It is taking more than a measure of getting used to. To complicate matters, the company I've joined - it's now been a little more than three months - is a start-up. This means it's all the things you've ever heard, read or experienced on your own about start-ups - good and bad. It is interesting, though. And not boring. And in no way, automatic, the way women's magazines were getting to be. So far, the experience has taught me a lot about being a man. Some things happen fast, almost without warning. And some very important things are allowed to creep along unnoticed. A workplace laced with testosterone is very volatile, I must say. Decisions tend to be instinctive and all-of-a-sudden-like.

And then, there are the Dappers. I work for the Dappers. Was hired by them. They are not what they appear - but they are very comprehensively both as a group and as individuals very dapper. There is a lead one, a second in charge, one who supports and one who looks at the physical, day-to-day things. And there's a wise, yoda one - who is still very dapper. Sometimes, on the days I have time to think of things that do not matter, I am of the mind that they should also start a band.

Chaos!

While C has no more fever, he's not quite himself eithe r. So we go out for K's family bday celeb - she had requested sushi and ramen. We also go shopping for her bday gift - she picks out a wooden doll house. We run our various Sunday errands as a family, glad that we have already attended mass the evening before. And then all of a sudden K says she's not feeling too hot. Which actually means, she is feeling hot. 38.4 hot.

This means we have to cancel her little after-school bday tea party. She is livid and desolate. C is too out of it himself to even react. Tomorrow will not be fun - as it means I have to hie them off to see Dr. N - without a car. The time for resisting a prescription of antibiotics is past. Now we seek professional help. K bursts into hot, tormented tears of anger, resentment and self-pity. No one wants to be sick on one's birthday. Misery is a sick little nine-year old girl - abject misery.

TGIF!

What a week this has been! Kiddie medical business. Great good news in the family. Finding out about new responsibilities at work. Catching up with Cam from HK. Sympathetic supportive session with sunny side sister over Starbucks (Now, try saying that three times without stopping!). A visit from my dear kasin Ninarkitek and the wonderful four hour chismis session late into the night - just like old times, as though we were sixteen again. Topic: family business, real estate, modern relationships, men and ...well women, keeping sane and coping with failing memories, the multitasking life. Amazing how with family, you slip into your codes and there's no need to footnote references. She knew my Yentle lyrics. She got all the contexts. And laughing as only quintosians can about the perennial Pinoy romantic line, clearly considered courtship: "Have you eaten na?" That's a sign that a Pinoy guy cares about you more than just a friend. Even though, haha, that's a line T has never uttered to me. Ninarkitek tells of a version that's even one step higher: "O...make sure you eat well, ha?" We nearly died. I think we must have woken up the neighbors. (Note to Ninarkitek: You should start a blog called Ninarkitek... o...diba!)

The only cloud...C's down with a horrid flu bug and just not his old self. ("I hate this. I hate this," he mutters to himself almost unaware he is saying it out loud, his eyes and nose streaming. He is very good about expressing his feelings.) Taking him to the doctor later to make sure that it's not the new strain of staph infection that kills in 72 hours (What can I say - headlines affect me). The silver lining? T comes home tonight, I did five rounds on the track this morning. Let the weekend begin...

Productivity

Why does it all come down to getting up early and getting exercise, first thing? Listen to me, could I be more annoying? Yet there's just something about this run I've been doing. Maybe it's because of this track on Evans road ... it's so inviting, it just begs to be run upon, even though you're not much of a runner, not really. But you want to be. So you try. You don't try. Like Yoda, you just do it. And the result is you wake up, you really wake up, and all the rest of it - like energy levels and mid-morning munchies - it all comes easy. Or easier. Who would have thought that there would be a discernable difference between a morning walk and a walk with a real 400 metre jog at brisk pace right smack in the middle of it? Managed to reinstall my yoga membership as well as my bookstore discount card in one fell swoop. All ready for Hatha or Hat with Mahds on Thursday. And would you believe it, I even got parking for while T is not here.

Had scrumptious noodles for lunch today with a lovely older gentleman, also a Dapper. He very gallantly invited me to lunch to talk publishing shop. He was so nice about it, I agreed, even though I had errands to run. Who would have thought you could still get a lunch for 2.8o on Orchard Road. Good food and fascinating conversation.

Tomorrow, Day 2 and hopefully more of the same. Forming the intention of productivity actually does work. And as far as everything else goes, I should just make like a duck and have it all simply slide down my back.

Non-sequitur on craft. If you're in the habit of starting with a title, drop that. It can be more stifling than a fellow student in a writing workshop. Don't think about a title. Just think about the story. And think on Electric Company terms: beginning, middle and end. Yes, very especially end.

Later that night

Scratch that. Just had work interrupted by a terrified K who demanded that I take that book out of the house. Close to tears and near hysterical, she all but shrieked, "No more Roald Dahl!" I tried to calm her down. Come on, it can't be that bad. She wouldn't have me even utter the title of the book (Witches). "Take it out of the house. Please take it out of the house." Roused by her noise, C burst into the room all concerned. K dissolved into tears, all but inconsolable.

When we finally got her calmed down with hugs and kisses, rosary beads plus permission to sleep in C's room, I asked, "Was it really a bad book?"

She answered definitively, "Yes."

"Didn't it have a happy ending?" I asked.

"No," she replied flatly.

"But -"

"Just. Take. It. Out. Of. The. House," she chanted in a way that made the hairs on the nape of my neck stand on edge. What could be so bad about that book, I wondered to myself. Dahl wrote Danny Champion of the World and Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and Matilda - all three of which K enjoyed, by the way. Sure, he also created the stories in Tales of the Unexpected, and the TV series scared the pants off me when I was a kid. But I thought that was more due to Alfred Hitchcock's creepy narration and the circus music that played in the opening credits. Not so much the stories themselves.

When she was finally asleep, I located the book and gave it a quick skim, taking more time at the final chapter.

In the book, witches are just like you and me. You just don't know they are witches. The three ways you can tell - witches are bald, so they must wear wigs. Witches have blue spit. I forget what the third one was. Anyway, the narrator/protagonist is turned into a mouse by a head witch. But over the course of the book, even as a mouse, the narrator is able to save all the children in England as well as defeat the head witch and the entire coven with the help of his grandmother, who is, naturally, human. In the final chapter, they are having a conversation about whether there are any more witches in the world. The grandmother answers that there must be. The narrator, who is at this point, still a mouse, is dismayed. Together they unhatch a plan to locate all the witches in all the world and defeat them. In the final paragraph, they agree to set off on a great, new adventure.

In short, it's a fairly upbeat, quite hopeful even. However, I must agree with K. While it's not a sad ending, it's not a particularly happy one, either. After all, how happy can it be if at the beginning of the book, you were human, and at the end of the book, you are still a mouse?

Rainy days and Sunday

It's been a good weekend, if rainy. We started with The Queen Friday night. Very very watchable. A good screenplay - just the right kind of talky. Good to have seen Borat one week followed by The Queen the next. Targetting The Good Shepherd which seems to have a cast of a thousand Oscar winners.

We opted to sleep in and just hang out Sunday morning. The second time this weekend since C's soccer training was rained out. It's the weather. What else is there to do on a rainy Sunday, after all? K and C are old enough to have a say in issues like when we'll go to mass, where we want to eat for lunch. They can be quite civilised when they choose to be, that is, if you can drag them from their books. C asked for more cheese. T replies, "I gave you some already." C pointed to his empty English muffin, retorting, "It's already a tepid memory." What a vocab. You have to laugh.

Yaya was on her day off, and she's decided to use the time to her advantage by taking a class at Holy Trinity College on Adam Road. She's currently enrolled for Basic Computer every Sunday from 1pm-4pm for the steal price of $10 a month for a 12-month course, organised for household helpers. Good for her.

The kids wisely get their Kumon worksheets out of the way. C, recently appointed Class Monitor, tries in vain to get away with doing just one, but we manage to convince him. He finishes both, but his time is on the slow side, at an average of 30 minutes each. Unlike K who gamely concentrates and manages to do one in 8 minutes and the other in 9 minutes. When she really wants to make good time, she tries to get one of us to race with her. Her idea of a race is having us give her a one-minute headstart. To my chagrin, I once raced her on one sworksheet, gave her a headstart and she finished in 7 minutes. I finished in 11. Scary. It pleases me that she's getting on in math and no longer seems intimidated by it.

Working on the story, but it's tough going. Woody Allen says he plots things in his mind before he writes, and then the writing goes very quickly, once the thinking work is finished. I tried to do the same, but it doesn't help when things start to change on the screen, veering away from the plan you thought was pretty much set. It's also weird when characters emerge more strongly than you had intended. We shall see, we shall see.

Procrastinated with the Sunday paper. Allowed myself to get peeved by Sumiko Tan's inane column in Life about her, her, herself and her unbelievably puerile little personal epiphanies. I don't mind reading about someone's personal life - in fact, I enjoy it - but I do mind it when the conclusion is something a pre-teen-aged girl could come to, with a lot less whiney reflection. It's terrifying what's passed off as human insight these days.

Then out we ventured for Pepper Lunch, some birthday gift shopping, a leisurely bookstore browse and later, coffee. Trying to get the kids to read better. K chose wisely - Roald Dahl. But C could not be budged from his Bionicle series. I felt a little better when I saw a kid reading the same book. He was at the very least, a fifth grader. At least, he's reading beyond his vocabulary. I shouldn't complain. Mass at 6pm, then dinner at Spizzas.

Now suffering Sunday night "I-don't-want-to-go-to-the-work" malaise. Fortunately, the sentiment is not shared by the members of my family.

Would Higgins marry Dolittle?

T and I took K to see her first broadway musical in a theatre - a West End tour production of My Fair Lady at the Esplanade. Funny. My first ever broadway show was, I believe, a Repertory Philippines production of Oliver at CCP. I believe I was eleven. Anyway, it was a rather lacklustre Eliza Dolittle, sadly - her vocal transitions from chest to headtones were all too apparent, as though there were two people, two distinctly different voices singing. Higgins was much better, but overall, it's hard to outdo Hepburn/Matlin and Rex Harrison. The big surprise was an argument with T about how Higgins doesn't really love Dolittle in a romantic way. That it isn't love, not really. And I was just flabbergasted.

"Of course it's a love story," I insisted.
T was equally adamant. "Higgins just wants her around for company, but very likely, he's..." and so K won't hear, he whispers, "gay".
"What?!?! No way."
"What," T continued, "You think that Higgins will eventually seduce Dolittle, and they'll eventually get married?" He laughs.

But I'd always thought that I've Grown Accustomed To Her Face was a love song. "Her smiles, her frowns, her ups, her downs are second nature to me, now. Like breathing out and breathing in. .. Of course, it's a love story. How can it not be?

We turn to K. "What do you think..." Always the little pleaser, she answers, "I think you're both right."

Happy Birthday T

It's tough when your birthday's in early January - you have party fatigue and you're in the midst of trying to stick to new year's resolutions. Still we managed a good day. The treat was getting away from the office and going off for lunch at Corduroy & Finch. Managed to get a scrumptious mango cake upon which I had the words written, Happy Birthday Daddy. It was K's idea to forego a family dinner (after all, she and C had already blown out the 4 big candles and the single small one!). "Go out to dinner," she said. "Pretend you don't have any kids!" They were quite happy to stay home for spaghetti. So we walked the kiddies to the playground so they could have a little run, and then we walked ourselves over to Spizza's for a surprisingly yummy Aglio Olio with pepperoncini and shrimp plus Gina pizza with anchovies and capers. And it was another pleasant evening walk back. As for a gift, I bought him an antique Chinese chess set with intricately carved wooden pieces.

Thrown for a loop

What would life be without these out-of-nowhere surprises? The challenge is about taking it all in stride, keeping your eye on the ball, continuing to do what you do best and remembering why you found yourself at this very spot in the first place.

After all, you're the one who asked for rich and spicy, right? Rich, spicy and strangely unexpected. Remember, it's all good.

Vanity Fair Error

I am not proud of my own perverse pleasure upon spotting an error in a magazine. As a magazine editor and even an ex-sub, I have only always worked with lean editorial teams, usually no more than ten people, and that's including art - most of whom, let's face it, don't really read copy anyway. We don't have fact-checkers. We don't have proofreaders. We wear different hats, trying to do everything, and very frequently, not succeeding. As a result, astounding mistakes can take place - and we all live in deadly fear of it. The occupational hazard is we are weirdly attuned to these errors in just about everything we read. Including other magazines.

Like today, on my day off, I was reading an old Vanity Fair - November 06 with George Clooney on the cover. The piece was by Gore Vidal - in Letter From Italy - in which he writes his memories of Federico Fellini during the years Vidal lived in Rome, working on his novel. On page 130, there occurs a paragraph that starts with the arresting sentence, "Suddenly, one day in 1971, there was Fred on the terrace of our Largo Argentina flat." It goes on for about three inches of space. And then it is followed on page 131, by the same exact paragraph.

These errors are amusing, making you blink for a few good seconds of befuddlement, wondering momentarily if it is you - some mental synapse. And then the print comes into focus. And you realise - it happens. Even in the most global of publishing institutions. A mistake.

And foolishly, you find it oddly reassuring and make a mental note to show you boss.

Finding Weeds

Although I am still in House Post Partum, we took a stab at the Showtime series for which Mary Louise Parker won a Golden Globe this year in her role of Nancy Botwin. Weeds is dark chocolate dark - even in its very premise. A suburban wife with two sons who copes with widowhood and impending poverty by selling pot to the neighborhood. The show is different, decisive and disturbing. First, there's the drugs, of course. Then there's the sex. The issues of parenting in these difficult times are dealt with. Just two episodes in, am not quite sure how I feel about it, but I'm compelled to keep watching.

Because Parker is so lovely to watch. So much is expressed in the mere parting of her lips. And then there's the talented Elizabeth Perkins (Remember her from BIG and ABOUT LAST NIGHT?) as her controlling friend, desperately trying to make her pre-teen daughter lose weight, while equally desperately trying to keep her teenage daughter from having sex with her boyfriend, who just happens to be Nancy's son, Silas. "Promise me," Perkins begs Parker, "Promise me they will not have sex under your roof." Parker answers, "I promise, as a mother." The kids end up having sex in the Botwin's guest room, which has a skylight. The precocious teenage nymphet argues, "At least, we're not technically under your roof!" There's the pothead CPA played by SNL's Kevin Nealon who tells Botwin she must put up a legitimate "front" for her real business of drug dealing. Parker says, "Can my front business eventually be my real business?" Nealon says, "Nah, small business is f**ked." Oh...I almost forgot...Botwin's teenage partner, a drug dealing poet. When Botwin warns him, "No selling to little kids!", he retorts in verse: "No grass on their field, no grass will I yield." But when she chastises him for a ten-year-old in the nieghborhood getting busted, he says, "I promise you. The kid swore he was 37!"

This is a show I just know my mother would hate. This is a show my friends in the US with, the ones with kids, would blanch at and squirm uneasily. Disturbing is one word. But it is also delightful. When the overwhelmed, distraught Botwin breaks down in the arms of her pot supplier, you can' t help but cry with her. And when she deliberately trips her son's bully, you cheer for her.

It's not House. But I like it.

January 3, 1993

The weather cooperated. I wore a dress with a floral print to the hotel and me and L and M spent a few minutes taking photos of the sign that read CHUA DE JESUS nuptials. I was not nervous. In fact, I remember being hungry most of the day. T and I spoke once. "See you later," he said, like it was completely normal and ordinary.

At the church, we sat on a bench that had no back. I had to sit up straight so as not to look slouchy. The Company sang for the ceremony - through all that picture-taking. Then the reception. J as emcee. L assisting. Niether got to eat much, I'm told. The pianist played "Our Love Is Here to Stay" which M sang with wistful pathos and a touch of nerve. My Dad looked a bit pale. I could tell my Mom thought the programme went on too long, but I did not care. T said his long list of thank you's like it was the Oscars. When the mike was handed to me, I babbled, then I caught a glimpse of her face. She mouthed the word "Goodnight" to me. I dutifully said good night.

In the hotel suite, there was a large fruit basket - Chinese pears, oranges, a mango and a generous bunch of grapes. We devoured it. When I slipped out of my wedding dress, petals and petals of flowers fell to the floor, from what the guests had tossed at the church.

That was fourteen years ago. It was a good day.

House again

Finished. 24 episodes all gobbled up at the average rate of three shows a night. I won't say the series is without flaw. There were little underdeveloped bits, like small portions of undercooked meat. Like the episode where Chase asks for a break, gets assigned to NICU and despite interrogation from House, we never really find out why in a satisfactory way. The Stacey storyline deftly played by the stunning Sela Ward ends way too abruptly - why not stretch that tension out a little? And Foreman's brain problems - how now brown cow? One show, he is struggling with it, and the next, he's all too easily back to his old self. But these are picky points that sound much worse than they actually are, when you consider the shows in their entirety. The overall flavour and texture is delicious in a very rich and complex way and these minor imperfections only serve to enhance the experience.

House is neat because it's about so much more than what it's actually about. I've said this before but it really and truly is about the human condition - and not solely in terms of disease. The other disadvantage is that, of course, you start worrying about the holiday leftovers in your fridge and whether they will give the family some kind of toxin, bacteria or fungus that will make them violently sick while causing their organ systems to shut down. Definite high points: the episode when Foreman becomes a patient - an admirable physical performance by Omar Epps. The whole Stacey storyline exploring the very real draw of rekindling old loves - irresistible. And that final episode of House's hallucinations.

I tend to get infatuated with TV series'. In the early nineties, I could not get enough of Ally McBeal. This year, I tried to see it again and ended up simply getting annoyed. I tried to get my Dad to watch House, and he ran off at the first sign of a little blood from a routine intubation. "It's my age. It's too real." "Wait," I tried to call him back, "That's just the details. That's not what the show is really about."I wonder if House will stand that test for me, the way SATC and The West Wing do. Sigh. In the meantime, work begins, deadlines loom like dark clouds on the horizon, and I suffer withdrawal symptoms.

While I'm happy that the kids are enjoying it so much (and not just for the appropriate value formation), The Cosby Show just doesn't cut it.

Looking Back

I would do a collage ala the Swingapore Sister, but as yet, I know not how... so I must content myself with the hum-drum primordial list of the high points of 2006.

1) C's first day of school
2) K and C's bowl-o-rama bday party
3) The de Jesus Bangkok Bash in February - Part II in September
4) Beautiful Bohol
5) Finding VMG or rather them finding me
6) K's first communion
7) Europe with the Tman
8) Bono
9) The Francis Xavier Choir
10) Itzak Perlman & John Williams

May every day of 2007 be as rich and sweet as gingerbread cookies

Resolve...

In 2007 to...

1) Decrease the clutter from daily living
2) Care about health because it is more important than aesthetics
3) Strive for patience and a better hold on ye olde temper, especially in terms of T, K and C.
4) Spend more time doing the things you are meant to be doing.
5) Stop talking. Stop being greedy. Live simply. Express only the good.
6) Say no with firm resolution and a measure of grace.
7) Be open to different opinions, even the ones that run counter to mine
8) Stop worrying about work, let it slide and above all, don't take it home.
9) Keep in closer touch with the people who matter most
10) Devote more time to Him.

Happy New 2007!

Last days of 2006

The way it works is that you make plans. You make decisions. You make resolutions. You try to get things done so that the new year can stretch before you - a clear path, a route that you plotted out in a fairly organised manner, while leaving room for the possibility of surprises, inclinations toward the unexpected. You can do it that way. Or you can just let the new year wash over you, push you or pull you along like tides or the moon. Some people get zany excited. I used to. New Year's Day was like a birthday. Some people let themselves get discouraged. Either that or overwhelmed. Or just a a little low. And then there's new year's eve.

For our part, we are exploring hitherto unexplored territory. Taking long drives into the wide expanse of country that is thi small city state. Taking the kiddies to playgrounds. Buying school supplies and snacking on dried chili pork. Watching the The Cosby Show. And taking a tip from Tita Maya - and visualising our 2007 with drawings. Oh yeah...and House. If Project Runway is is about creativity, it makes sense that House, as a medical drama, is about the human condition and what that means at this particular point in the century. Have I mentioned I am really loving House?

The doctors in the House

Have begun the second season of House and I'm dreading for it to end. Characters are growing and developing, but even better, the discernable formula - which most people didn't mind really - is now in the throes of reinvention. So much less structured now than it was in the first season. And still those lovely ironies. People ask how I can stand such a meanie, such a carmudgeon - and in truth, if Greg House existed in real life, yes, I would hate him. But as a fictional anti-hero, he suits my cynical tendencies to the bone. The brilliant diagnostician who hates patients. The healer who is himself a drug addict. The people's life saver who can't seem to get his own life together. House reminds me of, do I dare say it, so many people. And some of them are me.

And the writing? the creativity? The slick graphics and the irresistible characterizations of Cuddy, Foreman, Wilson, Chase, Cameron and Stacey - I don't ever want it to end. As second seasons go, this one takes the rich, rum, spicy fruit cake of the season, making Grey's Anatomy seem like feeble key lime pie - sweet, fluffy and not quite all there.


Let's give a hand for the House!

Let nothing ye dismay...

Despite being twenty minutes early to the 6pm Children's mass at St. Iggy's, there was no room on the pews. So there we are, the kiddie Christmas pageant is about to begin, and I have two dressed up sulky kids upset that they can't "see" the show. So I send them to stand behind the choir where perhaps they will get a better view and likely won't be sent away because, well, it's a children's mass and they're kids. The plan worked. The kids got to see the "show" which wasn't half bad, actually. Then T and I wriggled and squirmed our way near them, except when the show ended, the we lost track of where they were. K found our way to us...but C was nowhere to be found, and the service proper was in full progress. All at once I see a man leading a bawling C to the pew way on the other side of the church. Thank goodness, he wasn't yelling, just sniffling. As quickly as I could, I made my way back there and escorted him back. All's well that ended well.

Fr. Chris Soh gave a lovely sermon - the best I've ever heard here, actually. A reflection on the irony of the Christ child as a hero, so unlike Superman and Spiderman and yet so much more heroic in that he saves us with the truth. It was perfectly appropriate, considering this was the children's mass. And the youth choir did a great job...and the congregation left the church humming those great old tunes. Then it was back home to a homecooked family dinner of roast lamb, brussel sprouts, mashed potatoes, fruit salad and the gingerbread we baked.

The best thing? Waking up to a dry, breezy Christmas day. Hurrah. Hurrah.

Joy to the world. Good will to men and peace on earth.
Noel!
Noelle

Traditions

Getting out the Christmas card with the Christmas picture. Sending home the presents to the dear folks in Manila. Buying outfits for Christmas mass - because we should all wear something new for Jesus' birthday. Having fruit salad and sweet treats like poppycock and ginger covered in dark chocolate. Baking the a batch or two of Tita Esther Esteban's gingerbread cookies as well as Mom's fruit salad with the secret zip. Making sure there is queso de bola, majestic ham and Spanish sardines for a noche buena for two. Doing a lot of Christmas reading from the books from Chapter 1 of Little Women to Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus and not to forget Luke 2:1-17. Doing last minute shopping on Orchard Road. Attending the children's mass at St. Ignatius, which is at the very earthly and civilised hour of 6pm on the 24th, thank you very much. Having a family Christmas dinner of either roast lamb or turkey and getting the kids off to bed early so that all the wrapping can finally be "wrapped up" - staying up or not staying up with hot chocolate. Getting awakened by the kids. Opening the gifts and then going off for Christmas day brunch...and then following it with something outdoorsy like the zoo or a traipse in the park or if it's raining (and Christmas day can well be a rainy one in Singapore) a walk in the museum or a browse at the bookstore. And on boxing day, we go through toys, clothes and books that can be brought over to Tita Belen's communities in the Philippine provinces.

Best of all, this Christmas - no work till the New Year!

"But isn't it funny, we never see him...and all the gifts come from Toys R Us!"

Feeling like a journalist

Last night, I dreamt I had an exclusive interview with John Travolta. It was a two-hour session at his hotel suite and I asked him incisive, penetrating questions in the way a shrewd, been-there-done-that and wasn't-born-yesterday journalist would. And while he squirmed his way through it, finally breaking down and giving in, I felt an incredible surge of power.

Been feeling like a journalist lately. This is surprising because as a writer in editor in women's magazines, I have never really and truly felt like a journalist. All of a sudden, now that I've left the automatic, easy and yes, comfortable world of female fash mags and am making my way through the strange and unexplored seemingly lunatic world that is the men's news magazine, I feel full to the brim with...what is it? Ambition? Journalistic drive? I don't know. Something. Of course, it occurs to me that aTravolta exclusive, even if it is a dream, isn't exactly the stuff
of hardcore journalism, is it? I guess my magazine sense is still very much esconsced in celebrity gloss and goss.

Shut up about your job already, T says, it's Christmas. OK, I will.