The blessing of parenting

They say parenting is the hardest job in the world, and they are right.

It may be true that everyone, at some point, dreams of being a parent,
but it’s also true that not everyone deserves to be. Parenting is a
privilege, one that really ought to be earned.

I think in particular of people who consider their children insurance
against growing old alone. They believe that with children, at least
there will be "someone" to take care of them when they are old and
decrepit. This is not what parenting is about. Parenting is about
selflessly and with unconditional love, raising decent, empowered
human beings who will make positive contributions to the world and
valuable connections with those around them.

As a parent myself, I know how hard it is. Always I am confronted by
my own failings and imperfections, which get in the way of the good I
wish to achieve in my children. My parenting process is not just about
raising my kids, it is also about raising myself. It is not easy but
the rewards are tremendous and I am humbled with gratitude for them.

Everyone has their own parenting style, and while some take to it with
ease and alacrity, others – like myself - have a more uphill battle.
Without a doubt, my friends fall decisively into the first group.
In the very best sense, they are grown-ups in this world of children.

Together, they are spiritually and emotionally mature and balanced.
They are financially responsible and judicious. They are not just
smart but also sensible. They are not just morally upright but also
God-fearing. Their marriage is not just stable, it is also loving and
based on honesty and mutual respect.

As individuals, they each have these parenting essentials in
abundance: a genuine love for the company of family and friends, a
zest for life, and a sense of humor. More than anyone I kno, they
believe in the goodness of people. They are generous, hopeful and
positive. And their individual personal traits in combination make
them an excellent parenting team. They deserve the privilege of
parenthood.

Even before their son came into their lives, their parenting potential was
self-evident. Seeing them in action today more than confirms this

It’s amazing how she balances that maternal need to shelter and
protect with the equally important need to let go and encourage
independence. As a father, he is affectionate and protective, and
when the time comes, I know he will be a kind but firm disciplinarian,
not to mention a great role model for his son as he ventures into this
fast-paced, rapidly changing world. Beyond blood, their bonding has
made them as naturally organic a family as is possible.

While their family is whole, it is yet complete. It is clear to all
who know them that they should have a second child. They
ought to have a daughter to love and to raise, a little sister for their son.

If only every baby girl out there in need of parents were to be so
lucky as to have her for a mother and role-model, a woman
who is wise beyond her years, strong, gentle and compassionate with
vast reserves of patience and tenderness.

It is true these two have been blessed with their son.
But these wonderful parents - this loving family -
deserves to be twice blessed.


[A character reference letter that I wrote for friends who are
embarking upon their second adoption. My prayers
and good wishes go out to them for this new chapter in their lives.]

Back to business

Is it necessary to account for the absence at all? Isn't it better to just jump right back in, making no noise about it? Just get back into the water without explaining anything? Appear as suddenly as I disappeared?

I think so.