Obsessions, regrets and conversations with the young

I have always had that tendency to allow myself to be completely overtaken by work, even though I am aware of it and try not to give in to it, I find myself succumbing once again. It is not always a good thing though, especially when the work is only a small part of what I really want to do with my life. Is it procrastination? A delaying tactic? A way of fooling myself into believing that what I am doing right now is somehow worthwhile? Should I not just take it easy and cruise and try to fit in the thing that I feel I must do?

Interesting conversation with M at the office today. A young man of 23 at the very beginning of his life, he asked me, a practically 40-year-old woman, what I would do - given the option of starting fresh with a whole new set of years ahead of me. Say if I was 23 again, what would I do. And I said I would be a doctor. A gynecologist - but not just any gynecologist - one with a specialty in internal medicine. He was rather shocked. You wouldn't be writing. I argued - the mistake I made was that I thought that to write, I had to be a writer as an occupation. Not true at all. You can have an occupation, separate from the ability to write. I could have been a banker or a financial analyst or a doctor - and still write.

Coincidentally, yesterday, I spoke to B, also at the office. He is 27 - and already understands what it took me years to realise. So he's going for that finance career - and he will write on the side. Because he can. Then at lunch with M today, age 23 as well, and for the nth time, we talked about what she wanted to be doing. With M however, I sense that she is more sure about what she doesn't want to be doing than what she wants to be doing. Which is so much tougher.

As uncertain as they are, these young people are in enviable positions, I think. So much still ahead of them. So many things that they can yet achieve. Elphaba's refrain runs in my head - "Unlimited. My future is...unlimited."

Back to the practice

Finally, finally. It's been at the back of my mind for so long and the last time I did any was in early February. But today, circumstances fell into place and I was able to make it to the 5:30pm Hot Hour. While I definitely noted rustiness in certain poses, it really did feel wonderful - especially the bow and the tree and triangle. It was nice, too, that Catherine added in a few sun salutations for filip. Hopefully, this kicks off the habit once more.