In search of sorts

That's how I've been feeling lately. It used to be that I could will these feelings away. If I was out-of-sorts, it took very little to find my way in again. Not lately. Lately, I'm just scattered. Could it be that I'm 42? Recently, I've become all too aware of how out of control everything is. Things that used to come easy no longer do. Energy that used to be readily available is somehow scarce. I no longer know what to do with myself and it seems to me that whole days pass where I achieve absolutely nothing.

It's not a good feeling.

Now that Lent is here, I feel it is once again a time for resolutions, for retreating from the world in order that I may find myself once more. Today, I have given up FB. I am also committing to two days of fasting until Easter, as well as the usual resolve to exercise and regain the running skills I once had. There is also the writing. Two projects - both old - have been restarted. The goal is Stephen King's habit: 2000 words a day.

And then there are the have-tos. The story for eight to twelve year olds about giving back to the poor. The magazine articles. The things that need to be done for the children. The want-tos and the have-tos that need my attention. The next six weeks need to be more about my work and pushing on, not with desperation but with faithful hope.

Let this season of Lent be one of faithful hope and finding my way back to sorts.