Status Updates

For Lent, I decided to give up Facebook, and this is no small feat for me. For the past year and a half, I've been pretty much addicted to both the posting and the reading of my friends' day-to-day minutiae, so this is a real sacrifice. Often, throughout the day, a thought will occur to me, and then I will recall the fact that I'm not supposed to even be thinking of it. My online experience the past two days has been monotonous to say the least, when you consider that I have thrived on knowing one person's dinner plans, another's state of mind, or that yet another person did not enjoy x, y, or z, and why. Instead, I must resign myself to my own thoughts for entertainment, my own blog for status updates. Here are a few that took place in the last two days alone.

...is rereading Garp.
...just finished Stephen King's On Writing for the second time in six years.
...is saying a prayer for her son.
...wonders what keeps an eleven year old up at night.
...is hoping that seeing a chiropractor wasn't a mistake.
...is dreaming of Boracay.
...wishes giving up FB were easier.
...wants the youth and energy of a tiger.

In search of sorts

That's how I've been feeling lately. It used to be that I could will these feelings away. If I was out-of-sorts, it took very little to find my way in again. Not lately. Lately, I'm just scattered. Could it be that I'm 42? Recently, I've become all too aware of how out of control everything is. Things that used to come easy no longer do. Energy that used to be readily available is somehow scarce. I no longer know what to do with myself and it seems to me that whole days pass where I achieve absolutely nothing.

It's not a good feeling.

Now that Lent is here, I feel it is once again a time for resolutions, for retreating from the world in order that I may find myself once more. Today, I have given up FB. I am also committing to two days of fasting until Easter, as well as the usual resolve to exercise and regain the running skills I once had. There is also the writing. Two projects - both old - have been restarted. The goal is Stephen King's habit: 2000 words a day.

And then there are the have-tos. The story for eight to twelve year olds about giving back to the poor. The magazine articles. The things that need to be done for the children. The want-tos and the have-tos that need my attention. The next six weeks need to be more about my work and pushing on, not with desperation but with faithful hope.

Let this season of Lent be one of faithful hope and finding my way back to sorts.

Conundrum

...a not-so-little boy who can't sleep with the light on but is afraid to sleep in the dark...
It appears that the answer is you sit with him in the dark until he falls asleep.

But realistically, how long can you do that?

The blessing of parenting

They say parenting is the hardest job in the world, and they are right.

It may be true that everyone, at some point, dreams of being a parent,
but it’s also true that not everyone deserves to be. Parenting is a
privilege, one that really ought to be earned.

I think in particular of people who consider their children insurance
against growing old alone. They believe that with children, at least
there will be "someone" to take care of them when they are old and
decrepit. This is not what parenting is about. Parenting is about
selflessly and with unconditional love, raising decent, empowered
human beings who will make positive contributions to the world and
valuable connections with those around them.

As a parent myself, I know how hard it is. Always I am confronted by
my own failings and imperfections, which get in the way of the good I
wish to achieve in my children. My parenting process is not just about
raising my kids, it is also about raising myself. It is not easy but
the rewards are tremendous and I am humbled with gratitude for them.

Everyone has their own parenting style, and while some take to it with
ease and alacrity, others – like myself - have a more uphill battle.
Without a doubt, my friends fall decisively into the first group.
In the very best sense, they are grown-ups in this world of children.

Together, they are spiritually and emotionally mature and balanced.
They are financially responsible and judicious. They are not just
smart but also sensible. They are not just morally upright but also
God-fearing. Their marriage is not just stable, it is also loving and
based on honesty and mutual respect.

As individuals, they each have these parenting essentials in
abundance: a genuine love for the company of family and friends, a
zest for life, and a sense of humor. More than anyone I kno, they
believe in the goodness of people. They are generous, hopeful and
positive. And their individual personal traits in combination make
them an excellent parenting team. They deserve the privilege of
parenthood.

Even before their son came into their lives, their parenting potential was
self-evident. Seeing them in action today more than confirms this

It’s amazing how she balances that maternal need to shelter and
protect with the equally important need to let go and encourage
independence. As a father, he is affectionate and protective, and
when the time comes, I know he will be a kind but firm disciplinarian,
not to mention a great role model for his son as he ventures into this
fast-paced, rapidly changing world. Beyond blood, their bonding has
made them as naturally organic a family as is possible.

While their family is whole, it is yet complete. It is clear to all
who know them that they should have a second child. They
ought to have a daughter to love and to raise, a little sister for their son.

If only every baby girl out there in need of parents were to be so
lucky as to have her for a mother and role-model, a woman
who is wise beyond her years, strong, gentle and compassionate with
vast reserves of patience and tenderness.

It is true these two have been blessed with their son.
But these wonderful parents - this loving family -
deserves to be twice blessed.


[A character reference letter that I wrote for friends who are
embarking upon their second adoption. My prayers
and good wishes go out to them for this new chapter in their lives.]

Back to business

Is it necessary to account for the absence at all? Isn't it better to just jump right back in, making no noise about it? Just get back into the water without explaining anything? Appear as suddenly as I disappeared?

I think so.