Tough Love

After two weeks of working at home - I've vowed not to say I'm not working, because what I'm doing? mothering while fitting in cash jobs and fiction is work - I'm rediscovering why I have worked at job these past few years.

It's because being a mother at home is the hardest job at all. It is. I always knew that cognitively but here I am facing it as a day-to-day reality, and to say that it is a challenge is putting it oh so very mildly. There is great satisfaction in getting dressed and leaving the house and having a day that's bisected neatly into morning, lunch hour, afternoon, coffee break and so on. A job gives you structure and everything fits nicely into slots. But mothering?

Mothering has no structure and my personality demands it while simultaneously not knowing how to create it. I know how to advise a junior writer and make suggestions about an article. I know how to collaborate with a graphic designer on a layout. What I don't know how to do is tell my daughter how not to get aggravated by my son when they are playing a game, even though he can be intensely aggravating. I don't know how to reprimand my children in a positive way so they get the lesson I am trying to impart without the anger and irritation. And I don't know how not to get worked up nor how not to lose my temper - worse, I don't know how to remember in time how to hold my tongue before seeing too late how a sharp reprimand has such a negative impact. Forget every day being a learning experience - every hour is.

Working at a job with defined skills was an easy escape. These days, I am confronted by the reality of not just having to raise my children, I am also having to raise myself. It takes a lot of love - and it's not romantic or easy. It's hard and steely bracing - even when it needs to be soft and yielding and understanding. Here it is, what I've been escaping - tough love and a job that I not only have to do, I have to remember I want to do because it will not just pay off in the long run, it will pay off with every hour and every day that passes.

On Page 1

I have a discount card for Kinokuniya and for Border's and for a long time, here in Singapore, that would pretty much cover it. But now there's Page One at Vivo City - and for some reason, it has all the books I want. Last Sunday, I stopped resisting the pull and gave in. I bought Jane Smiley's 13 Ways of Looking at the Novel. Am on the second chapter and it's just wonderful stuff. In the midst of it, I decided. It's time to stop looking at the novel. And start writing it.

On tasting carrots for the first time

after being prodded incessantly, my son said, grudgingly, "It has possibilities."

Best Press We've Had In A While

"Manila is a cool city."
- Quentin Tarantino in Manila for his new movie Dead Proof premiere

The Life of A Temp

I used to temp in the greatest city of all - the big Apple. It was the summer of 1991 - and all I had was one pair of hush puppies that I wore everday, to every job. I had one suit - a navy Auggie Cordero and one pair of black slacks. In the span of two and a half month, I worked at three different buildings. My first temp job was for a division at HBO in the HBO building, right by Bryant Park on 6th Avenue. That was just three days. Then I worked for a whole week at Saks on Fifth Avenue, in the marketing department. The last stint was something I was very thankful for because the personnel agency said they wanted someone for the rest of the summer, which meant that I wouldn't have to go traipsing around the city for anymore jobs. It was an assistant job for the Japanese company, ANA Hotels, which was on the third floor of one of the towers of the fabulous Rockerfeller Center. There were only four of us in the office, and I was in charge of taking reservations for the different hotels in Asia. It was a nice easy job, and in between, I wrote stories for the second year of my fiction program in Bowling Green. It was a glorious summer, and apart from the delights of the city, the best part was walking into an office - doing a job - and just like that... walking out again.

Here I am 18 years later - and it's time to temp again. Today I worked at one of the other publishing companies located in a building in Singapore I had never been in before. It was nice, but it wasn't the Rockerfeller Centre. The best thing?

Being able to walk in...and just like that, walking out.

My new favourites... H's....

...
City Hong Kong
It's big and bustling and busy and yet still so visitor-friendly. It's a great city for walking and exploring, shopping and (need I say it?)eating.
Restaurant Hu Tong, One Peking Road, Kowloon
Yum yum yum. First of all there's the view of the Hong Kong island skyline. And just as first of all - the food itself - work of culinary art. The crispy lamb - words fail me. And the way the sauce adds new dimension, further enhanced by finely minced garlic. The mere memory makes my mouth water. Fearing we would go overboard, we restricted ourselves to veggie dishes - the string beans in minced pork - always a hit. But the big surprise was the asparagus with salted fish, mainly because the salted fishes were not just tiny flakes but whole fish laid on a bed of bright green perfectly cooked asparagus. And then there was dessert - coconut ice cream with toasted coconut plus pear and white fungi...the a fitting end to a meal that can only be described as perfection.
Store H&M
It is a wonderful place to rummage through and not only do you find something you want every other minute - you find it in your size and at worth-it prices, too. PLUS - there's a cool kiddie section. I'm still a fan of Giordano Ladies - but I will always have a soft spot in my heart for H&M and am so glad it's in Hong Kong.

When do we go back to Hong Kong, that's my question...

Take 4

It's funny how my life seems to be cyclical. Circumstances have presented themselves in ample amounts so as to be enough to persuade me that the freelance life is once again the way to go. It feels different though this time. This time feels more right than it has before. Time will tell.

Brothers and Sisters

It's always interesting to watch a new TV drama series. L and M gave me Brothers & Sisters awhile back and I just started it. Unfortunately, Calista Flockhart still irritates me no end. I can't believe that a decade ago I was quite infatuated by her. Not only that, the plot - outwardly normal happy family besieged by dysfunction - is not especially unexpected. In fact,it's rather banal.But but but - two episodes in, I continue to watch. If only for Sally Field who plays the mother and who has lovely scenes. If only the writing improves and the plots become more inventive. We shall see.

The decision

She is made.